Erwaman's Personal Journal - August 2008

This has been an awesome summer! Heh, it started off with a bang with Atlanta, and then a trip back to GSET to hold a Rubik's Cube Tutorial. Then a month of Staples and stay-at-home slowness. But as August rolled along, things kicked up a notch. Party after party, reunions with lots of friends, and several visits to my cousins'.

I failed at 90% of my summer goals. The only things I sorta accomplished were learning the Guimond Method for 2x2x2 and reading 3/5 books (Feet of Clay, The Shipping News, and Jingo) and maybe a little bit more sleep? What happened was, ahem, a new goal sort of consumed me - breaking 99 seconds on Minesweeper Expert. I realized I set too many goals for myself and also wasn't disciplined in achieving them. Well, most of them were cubing goals, and that's not top priority right now...

Anyways, I move in later today, but classes don't start until Wednesday. Got Chinese, Math, Chemistry, and Spanish placement exams to take and concert band/YPMB auditions. Need to study and practice. Right now, I'm thinking of taking 5 classes this fall: Physics, Chemistry, English, Calculus, and Spanish. That's it for now. I'm pretty excited for Yale!

You need to understand trivial matters like this that get me nowhere in life can absolutely consume me. There were some school nights when I had no homework that I was up to 5 AM playing Minesweeper non-stop, trying to break the 99 second mark. It was constantly on my mind, and it was difficult to pursue other goals and activities with this constant onus.

Stubbornly, I passed much of this summer minesweeping away, putting off other things. The game was always on my mind, like a tragic experience that scars a person, a constant itch, or a cold case a detective just can't put down. I needed to put this obsession to rest. Morning, afternoon, night, I clicked away till my wrist stung from the repetitive clicking motion and the pressure of the desktop, my butt ached from sitting so long, and my eyes watered from staring fixedly at the tiny squares.

Well, after many weeks of being unable to break my 112.xx record, I finally broke it, and in the past week, I shaved off those 13 seconds and a little more. About half an hour ago, I leapt past the the 99 second mark with a new PB of 94.54. I am finally at peace.

I'm done with Minesweeper for now. Actually I've deleted my hi-games bookmark all together. I'm staying away from this site for a while. Now, with this pointless, meaningless, waste-of-life goal fulfilled, I can re-focus again on more important matters, like getting ready for the new school year. But first I need to complete my five book reading goal (and get stronger prescription glasses). I've still only finished two; I'm reading Jingo right now. Time to go snuggle in with it for an afternoon.

Yes, I'm excited to enter this new environment and indulge in all Yale has to offer. But, I'm also fearful. I've been going through some typical fears and figuring out if each applies to me.

I'm not afraid of meeting new people, my new roommates, the new environment. I believe in my luck and also my ability to get along with others. I've been communicating with my roomies on FB, and though I am awed by all their athletic talents and feel slightly inferior, I believe we shall get along well enough. This hardly bothers me. I know it'll work out.

How about theft? Nah, I'm a cheap person and hardly have anything worth stealing. If anything, I might accidentally steal someone else's change that I find on the ground. I take precautions to be safe; I don't look for incident, but I just have good faith in people's integrity and respect of others' property. Not getting room insurance for my property, not worried about theft problems.

Fear of being unable to grasp new, advanced, and challenging concepts? Nah. I can figure stuff out. I love figuring stuff out. I need to understand something fully just to satisfy myself. It's part of my personality. Definitely not worried about challenging concepts. I say, bring it on.

How about getting involved? Joining clubs, possibly starting a club, doing intramural sports, being actively involved in what I do. This is college, and I realistically expect crazy good and super-active people in any organization. But I can deal with that. I want to try some new clubs and activities. It'll be fun! Usually a little awkward and nervous at first, but once you break the ice, it's so enjoyable. And if I don't like it, I have no problem quitting. Can't wait for the marching band season to get rollin'!

How about parties? Social events? Uh...alcohol? Peer pressure? My friend Mr. Szajko told me, "Anthony, I think before you graduate college, you will have a significant drunken experience." Right now, I'm pretty adamantly against drinking, even the slightest bit. I really can't imagine myself breaking resolution. But drinking is so prevalent in the college environment; there'll be lots of pressure. No problem. Eight ways to say no. Plus, I don't think I'll be going to very many alcoholic parties. Not a big deal for me.

Finally, time management. You hear stories of freshmen really strugging to adjust to the college schedule. A few classes each day, with lots of time inbetween. Seems like so much time! Then all the problem sets and essays hit you on the final night before they're due. This is my single great fear. As the WP '08 class procrastinator, how am I going to deal with this and handle my workload?

In high school, I've had some significant procrastination events. Geometry story project, freshman year. On the due date, on the bus ride to school, nothing done. During the morning, Alan completed the plot of the story. Period before it was due, Szajko, Changus, and Ken were helping me draw in pictures. Bell rings, I run to the library for some last-minute printing. Oh crap, clicked the print button too many times. No time to sort out the pages now. Bell rings as I'm running down the stairs. I burst into the classroom while Mr. Seipp is standing up front, with the entire class's attention, addressing the project. Just my luck to have a front row seat, right in front of him. I just let the pile of papers in my arm flop on the desk. Mr. Seipp, a yard in front of me, looks down at this mess and says, "What is this?" I have no choice but to assemble the pages in proper order in front of him.

Senior year, L.A. research paper, final draft. It's the due date. 8:05 AM: "Hey, Mr. Lamb, if, suppose, I handed in the research paper before the end of the school day, would it still be counted as late?" "No, I suppose not," said with a sharp look at me and a half-befuddled, half-amused smile. 2:40 PM, the paper's in my hand, still hot from the library printer, only 7.5 pages, still half a page short of the requirement, and I'm running out of the library toward Lamb's room. I bump into him by the 200 wing entrance. He's got his jacket on, his bag; he's ready to leave. "Here you go."

I don't think I'd be so fortunate in college in similar situations. I'm afraid of the day when I just run out of time, and I'm not talking about my death. Procrastination is a chronic problem for me. In college, it might finally cost me. Late assignments. Which lead to poor grades. Hurts relations with professors. Creates an image of irresponsibility. Could it possibly cause me to flunk out?

The solution is obvious. The best way to combat a fear or problem is to tackle it head on. Well then, obviously I just have to start my work earlier. Haha, such a simply stated solution, yet such a difficult achievement, to turn around a habit, a lifestyle.

I admit to my problem. I know it's a problem. I've written out my problem. I really want to fix my problem. Just how badly, we'll see.

Hover your mouse over each cereal to find out more about our trip!