My procrastination habits have finally caught up with me.
This has been my busiest and most stressful semester yet. Five classes, five credits, including the most time-consuming computer science course, CS 323 - Introduction to Systems Programming and Computer Organization. And though I've procrastinated in the past, now it's gotten to the point where I am even turning things in late.
In the past, I would procrastinate, but it wouldn't be so stressful. I knew I could get the work done and I would even sort of enjoy the last-minute adrenaline rush of trying to get everything done. But this year, as the assignments get bigger, I can no longer get the assignments done on time when I wait till the last minute. And those stressful all-nighters I would pull trying to complete my work would be truly miserable. I would be so tired and sleepy and my work would be so shitty and there was so much work to be done.
I always have Yale Concert Band rehearsals on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 4:10 to 6:15 PM. And after every rehearsal, we have band dinner (more colloquially known as BDinner (buh-dinner)) in our Commons Dining Hall. It's optional, but most of the band goes and we all eat at the same one or two tables in the back of Commons. It's tough to get to meet and learn about people during band rehearsals, since you're supposed to be quiet and attentive to the conductor, so this meal is an opportunity to get to socialize with and get to know your fellow band members.
Last semester (spring 2009), I went to nearly all the BDinners, but this semester, I probably only went to about three. Tuesday BDinners I wasn't able to go to because AASA (Asian American Students Alliance) board meetings were always Tuesdays 6:30 to 7:30 PM, so I'd have to go right over to the AACC (Asian American Cultural Center) right after band rehearsal. But Thursdays, the only obligation I had after BDinner was a section (perhaps known as precepts at other schools) for ANTH 254 (Japan: Culture, Society, Modernity) from 8 to 8:50 PM. But this was 1.75 hours after band rehearsal ended, plenty of time to join the band for BDinner.
So why didn't I go to more BDinners? It is because for ANTH 254, we had weekly 500-word writing assignments that were due at section. I would pretty much always start these assignments Thursday morning, and would almost always skip CS 202 (Mathematical Tools for Computer Science (aka the CS department version of Discrete Math)), which was from 1 to 2:15 PM, and would sometimes also skip ANTH 254 (11:35-12:35ish) to work on these weekly writing assignments. Then, after band rehearsal, I would skip BDinner in order to finish and print out my writing assignments.
I think the three times I went to BDinner, the situations were as follows:
- We had our first paper due IN CLASS on Thursday, so there was no additional writing assignment due at section.
- We had our second paper due on Friday (it was supposed to be due in section, but the professor extended the deadline), so there was nothing due at section.
- The final week of classes, ANTH 254 lectures and the section were canceled because the anthropology department was going to some annual conference for the National Anthropology Association.
Now let me talk about another instance of procrastination. The weekend of 11/14-15, I went to Princeton with the band for a football game and stayed an extra night to chill with Jeng, Jon, Lily, and William. When I came back to New Haven Sunday night, I had become kind of sick. Sunday night and Monday night, I ended up sleeping about 14 hours each night but didn't get any work done in the meantime. I had a pset (problem set) due for CS 202 on Thursday, which I managed to get done, and an outline for my third ANTH 254 paper due at section, which I also managed to get done but had to skip BDinner to finish. Then, for Friday, I had a pset due for STAT 238 (Probability and Statistics) and my third paper due for PLSC 114 (Intro to Political Philosophy).
I looked at both assignments but didn't know how to do either of them! I had also skipped several STAT 238 classes (MWF 2:30-3:20 PM) to work on my ANTH 254 and PLSC 114 papers, and then when I was in class, I was already kind of lost and also usually sleep-deprived and unfocused. So to do the STAT 238 assignment, I knew I had to read many pages of lecture notes to understand the material. For PLSC 114, I hadn't been keeping up with the readings (nor was I keeping up with the readings for ANTH 254) - they seemed to get longer and longer and I just didn't have time (my programming assignments for CS 323 took about 17.85 hours on average)! So since I hadn't really done any of the readings required for any of the third paper topics, I obviously couldn't write a paper. [Also, my section participation grade for PLSC 114 probably suffered a lot because I didn't do many of the readings and thus couldn't contribute much.]
There just wasn't enough time in one day to read lectures notes, a couple books, do a pset, and write a paper. Hopeless, the last resort I had was to ask for a Dean's Excuse from my dean and get extensions on my work. I went to see her around 2 PM, half an hour before my STAT 238 pset was due and three hours before my PLSC 114 paper was due. I explained to her how I had been sick earlier this week and how I was still a little sick and due to sleeping so much, I hadn't been able to do much work and I needed an extension to finish it all. She ultimately understood that I felt about two days behind (from sleeping so much Monday and Tuesday) and gave me two Dean's Excuses, one for the pset and one for the paper. Below is a scanned copy of one of the Dean's Excuses:
Since the Dean's Excuse says I should "arrange with the instructor" when I should complete my work by, I emailed my professor and TA for both classes and only the STAT 238 professor replied and said I could turn in my pset by 12/2 (after Thanksgiving break) for full credit.
So I put my work aside, went to YPMB (Yale Precision Marching Band) rehearsal, got pumped for the Harvard-Yale Game (aka The Game), went to The Game, then visited Cornell, Columbia, and NYU, and finally came home Wednesday (11/25) afternoon having done no work since I secure my Dean's Excuses. The last few days of Thanksgiving break, I celebrated Thanksgiving with my family and then again at my aunt's house in Philly. What little work I did do was on the sixth CS 323 programming assignment, the backend of a C shell, and the rest of my work I temporarily suspended.
For this sixth assignment, there was so much about Linux system calls that I did not understand that at first, I had no idea where to even begin on the assignment and the specifications made very little sense to me. Gradually, though, through reading and discussing with classmates, I started to figure things out, and after investing 26.75 hours of work and three days late, I finally finished the assignment and turned it in. In the mean time, I also had to finish a pset for CS 202 and a pset for STAT 238 (the one I got a Dean's Excuse for), so I didn't have time to do a bonus assignment for ANTH 254, which my grades desperately needed.
I finished the sixth CS 323 assignment around 12:10 AM Friday (12/4) morning, and then I had the final pset for STAT 238 due the same day. I also had my final section for PLSC 114 from 11:35 AM to 12:25 PM and knew I should probably try to prep a little [like skim some of the readings] so I could participate a little in discussion. But I was exhausted after finishing my CS 323 assignment and chose sleep instead, and I ended up saying nothing in section and being unable to finish my STAT 238 pset on time.
Oh yes, I finally received an email from my PLSC 114 TA saying:
Anthony,
I never received your third paper. Just thought I would let you know,
-Ryan
Well, since I didn't finish my last pset for STAT 238 on time, it was late and I had until Monday, 12/7, to turn it in for the same 10% lateness penalty. So on Monday, I did my STAT 238 pset and turned it in, and it wasn't until Tuesday (12/8) afternoon that I finally finished my PLSC 114 paper and emailed it in.
After that, I had to study for my CS 323 final, which was on Wednesday, 12/9, and finally, after that, I had a little time to breathe. But really, I shouldn't have.
From after my final on Wednesday, 12/9, to Friday, 12/18, when my last final was, here was my agenda:
- ANTH 254 paper due on Monday 12/14, 11:59pm
- PLSC 114 final on Thursday, 12/17, 9am
- STAT 238 computational take-home exam, due 2pm on Friday, 12/18
- STAT 238 final on Friday, 12/18, 2pm
- CS 323 programming assignment due 12/18 5pm
Ten days to do or prepare for five things - seems like plenty of time, especially since classes were already over, so I practically had nothing to do. But actually these five things required a lot of work! I had a lot of reading for ANTH 254 and PLSC 114 to catch up on and a lot of lecture notes for STAT 238 to read as well. And I had a programming assignment to do which was basically due when my last final ended.
But instead of studying or working, I basically played StarCraft, Tetris, and Minesweeper anytime I wasn't eating, sleeping, checking e-mailing, web surfing, or doing other unproductive things. And like that, five days passed, and it was Monday, 12/14, the day of my first deadline. And somehow, even with all day to work on the paper due at midnight, I couldn't get myself to do it. I went to a menorah lighting with the band, and then afterward, I tried working on the paper, but I felt sleepy, so I went to sleep instead, deciding to turn the paper in late. I ended up turning it in Tuesday (12/15) afternoon.
The rest of Tuesday I whittled away enjoying myself and then it was Wednesday, 12/16. I woke up around noon, ate brunch, and then passed away the afternoon until dinner discussing logic and math puzzles and magic tricks with some fellow Stilesians (residents of my college Ezra Stiles) and then doing some more brain teasers after they left. After dinner, I finally felt the pressure of my PLSC 114 final at 9 am the next day, and for the next 15 hours or so, I read and read and SparkNoted and took notes, and the only breaks I took were to go downstairs and eat food from the dining hall (which is left unlocked during reading and final weeks for students to study in) and to take mini-naps on my desk. What a miserable night, but at least I think I did well on the final.
PLSC 114 was the final I was most worried about, and after getting it out of the way, I felt so relieved. I started the computational take-home exam for STAT 238 that night, around 9PM, and then finished it the next morning. I ate brunch and then in the couple hours that remained until the exam, I looked through last year's final and solutions and scribbled some equations and definitions on a piece of paper, which we were allowed to have during the final.
And yet, even though we were allowed to have a page of notes with us, or perhaps because I felt reassured knowing I could have these notes with me, I didn't study very much and forgot to write down some very key things, like the definitions of correlation and covariance. And of course, there was a question on these exact topics, and I didn't have a clue what they were. Well, I did have a general idea of what they were and what they signified in general terms, but I did not remember nor have written down the precise mathematical definition of either of these terms or any identities involving them. I felt really dumb, because correlation and covariance are pretty fundamental concepts of statistics. It was like I forgot how to take the integral of x^n or something. So I'm pretty sure I bombed this final.
Well, when I left the STAT 238 final, it was past the deadline for the CS 323 programming assignment, but an announcement on the CS 323 newsgroup from 12/3 just said "work submitted after that deadline may not be graded." So I clung to those words may not and interpreted them to mean the professor would still grade my assignment as long as I got it to him before he assigned final grades. So for basically the third night in a row, I pulled essentially an all-nighter trying to finish the last programming assignment. By 6am on Saturday 12/19, I still wasn't done with the assignment, but was utterly exhausted, so I decided to take an hour nap on the couches in the CS building. But I overslept my alarm by a lot and woke up around 10:30am. I had a brunch appointment at 11am with a friend, so I ran back to Ezra Stiles, showered, and went to brunch. After brunch, I worked on the assignment for another 45 minutes using remote access from my computer, and then my dad arrived, so I gathered up my stuff and went home.
I got home, ate some food, and then worked for another two hours on the assignment. Then I napped for three hours, ate some food, and then pulled my fourth consecutive all-nighter working on the final assignment.
What really confused me was I only passed 9/18 public tests when I used the batch script that runs all 18 tests. But then when I ran the tests individually, I passed all 18 tests. I emailed the professor and TA about this problem, and the TA replied and told me the cause of this bizarre scenario was because the batch script places limitations on the system resources, such as the number of open file descriptors allowed at one time. Apparently, it puts a limit of 100 file descriptors on the tests, and in my code, I was using a system call to change a file descriptor to 800, so apparently, the system thought I had over 100 file descriptors open, which wasn't really the case (I kept track of my open file descriptors and closed them as soon as they weren't needed any more.). So I edited my code to deal with the system's confusion, and then I passed 18/18 tests. Finally, my semester was over.
It's been a very tough and very stressful semester and I felt kind of miserable for a lot of it. The biggest forms of stress relief for me were hanging out with the band and visiting/hosting friends. But also, these things might also have contributed to my stress. I had a tough semester, with CS 323 (required for CS majors, but also the most time-consuming course) and a writing credit (ANTH 254), so I probably should have only taken four classes (four credits) and dropped STAT 238. Then Thursday nights, instead of catching up on STAT 238 lecture notes and doing the pset, I could have been doing PLSC 114 reading and prepping for section the next day. But I chose to keep it all because I wanted to have the option of only taking four credits in the spring semester (I'm trying to average 9 per year, since the graduation requirement is 36). So with increased academic commitments, I should have cut back on extracurricular activities, but they actually increased.
I stayed in the YCB (Yale Concert Band) and the YPMB (Yale Precision Marching Band), and then I also joined the Asian American Students Alliance as webmaster. Not only did this entail updating and maintaining the site, but I also had to help set up and run the numerous AASA events held during the semester. I also was more active in Ezra Stiles intramurals this season, playing in a volleyball match and a tennis match, as well as going to every ping pong match (and playing in most) of the season.
I wanted to do it all, and I tried to do it all, and I think as a result, my stress increased and my academic performance suffered. I think I should have gone to a few fewer football games and band parties and used that time instead to catch up on work. So maybe my problem is I'm too addicted to fun and games and have too little discipline and a lack of time management skills. My four consecutive all-nighters and my paper turned in late at the end of the semester probably could have been avoided had I paced myself after the CS 323 final on 12/9, doing a little bit of work each day, instead of playing games for five days straight. Was I burned out, both physically and mentally, from a semester of scrambling to get things done? Is that why I didn't feel like doing any work and couldn't stop playing games? Has my motivation to do well academically gone down? Have I stopped caring about school?
I had a lot of these thoughts while I was in the middle of my struggles. Looking back now that it's all over, I think the main things were I probably should have only taken four credits, since one of them was CS 323, and I definitely have to start earlier on my work.