San Francisco Trip
Journal Entries

My journey has begun. David and I decided we needed to get most of the luggage out early. The last time I slept was yesterday from 4 PM to 6:20 PM.

I am constantly looking around. I gaze at every noise. Fortunately, it is not that cold outside. I can sit here for a few more hours.

Dude, yesterday was picture-perfect, sorta. I did tell Michelle I loved her, but I dunno if I really meant it. For the first time this semester, all six members of the Lair were together in our common room.

There are lots of random people walking around at 6:05 AM. It is very creepy. Actually, come to think of it, if any of them decided to mug me forcibly, there is really nothing I can do. I have four bags: a backpack, a cloth bag, a suitcase with wheels, and a duffel bag. It is very difficult to write or concentrate with random people passing around from time to time.

Wow, it's still pretty chilly. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up -- sitting on a cold bench.

So why am I doing this? Why am I giving up everything I've done so far to get to this point in my life? Simple answer: I'm crazy.

But I feel very selfish. I am leaving my friends and family behind. I am now Tony. E-mail: tony.hsuman@gmail.com. My travel companion is Dave. His e-mail is davexzhang@gmail.com. There is no turning back. We might end up in poverty, but that's okay with me right now.

We know we're going to Chinatown in San Francisco. But beyond that, we don't know where we're gonna stay or what kind of job we can find.

I'm exhausted, and it's only 6:15 AM. I dunno how long I can last in this cold. I am putting on another layer of jeans. Okay, done. At least my butt is not as cold any more. Okay, now I want to put on another pair of socks. Hold on.

I ended up finding a single sock and this pen sucks. I hope it runs out of ink soon. Then at least I have a reason to throw it away. I am really tempted to throw this pen away now. Okay, I need to find another pair of socks.

Okay, opened a pack of socks and took out one pair. Okay, I'm throwing this pen away right after this sentence.

So my whole body pretty much has enough layers except for my hands. Dammit. Forgot gloves. Oh well. I suppose I can ask David to get them for me.

It's getting brighter outside. This is nice. I think I should catch some shut-eye. But first I need to write a letter to the Lair.

Okay, after writing that letter, my fingers are pretty numb. Time to put my hands in my pockets and get some shut eye. Peace.

So why are we doing this? Well... all I can say is that this is going to be a wild experience. I am finally living life on the edge, freeing myself from the pressures that others and I put on me (myself). Not a terribly good reason to do something this radical, but I only have once to live, might as well live it up.

However, as un-planned and un-structured this trip begins, we must have a successful ending. Maybe this is me succumbing to societal pressure, but I don't want to leave this journey/experience without something tangible. Anthony and I ARE going to be successful.

-David

Finally, we are BOTH resolved to do this. There is no turning back. We can almost say goodbye to our college education now. At least I'm saving my family $120,000. But heck, if you really want to learn something, just go to the library, borrow some books, and study. It's so simple. And in the process of teaching yourself and figuring everything out yourself, you learn more.

We all have one life to live. How many of us really believe we live it up to its full potential? What are we afraid of? Failure? Losing? There is never a reason to fear you will lose anything. You are already naked. Death owns everyone. There was never anyone who escaped.

So what is the purpose of life? To live up to your parents' expectations? Sounds like you're living someone else's life. Are you afraid of your parents' disappointment in you?

Why should we be tied down by the structure of society all our lives? Do we ever really feel free in this case, with all this pressure on us?

Dude, what is more fun, going to classes and spending hours on problem sets covering material that wasn't even taught? Or trying something completely outrageous and fresh and experiencing life on the edge?

We have not fully planned this out. Maybe we should have done more preparation. But that's part of life. There's always curveballs that catch you by surprise no matter how much you prepare. We're winging it. We trust in ourselves, perhaps, or in luck, but we believe things will always work out some way. With time, everything settles down into the past.

In life, suppose you lost everything and everyone. All your friends and family were gone. All your material possessions were gone as well. What would you have left? You would still have your spirit to go on. Nobody can extinguish that except yourself if you give up. It is in hard times and hard decisions when your spirit is most greatly tested.

I am a cowardly person. I fear scolding by my dad. I fear people not liking me in a conversation. I fear asking stupid questions in class. I fear confessing I love someone for fear of being called and feeling like a fool. All of these fears just put more pressure on me and bind me down further. The only way to overcome one's fears is to face them directly. It helps if you did something even braver and can think about that experience to give you strength and courage. This is all a test of your spirit. Just how strong is it? I think after doing this, I am launching, no, catapulting myself into a huge vortex of trouble. I am forcing myself to embrace the tremendous possible repercussions. But I'm not even worried about them. I only try to focus on the hopeful and positive things.

The reaction I fear the most is my family's. But in due time, everyone will forgive and things can be rebuilt.

Actually, what I fear most is failing before getting very far. My greatest fear is getting caught before we even make it to California and being forced to come back to Yale. The disgrace and embarrassment that would be with us would be unbearable. But again, those are feelings you inflict on yourself. If your attitude is "at least I tried," you might be fairly proud of yourself. You might think next time you'll succeed. You might have more courage for more things.

The only way to progress and improve oneself in life is to constantly challenge oneself. One must never be comfortable or content with his present state. One must always seek new experiences and opportunities, even if these are not the ones approved of by your parents. You must follow your own heart sometimes.

Life is such a crazy thing if you think about it. We're born with no knowledge and then we get educated for twenty years only to get trained to do something else for a job. Then we work for 40 years, retire, and gradually die off.

That's not what life is about. It's about those crazy experiences you had that were memorable and fun. Those are the moments you will never forget.

This adventure is one of those crazy journeys. Like Survivor Man or Man vs. Wild. These kinds of shows excite me. There is thrill to them. Now I can experience the thrill first-hand and not vicariously.

Heh, my math class has started. I am late. But I am not going. I wonder what Kate is thinking.

Dude, we will be on the bus soon. As soon as we leave New Haven, all our worries here become insignificant.

We will be successful. We will do something great. I believe it right now. I have faith that it will happen. But I do not foresee quick success. I see a long, rocky road. It's the journey that's the fun part. That's when you learn everything. It's like building LEGOs. Assembling is the fun part.

Dude, holy shit. I just had $2,590 in cash in my pocket. Dude, I'm no longer a Yalie. Dude, I'm not a fugitive either. I've just decided to try a new life.

It's all cash from this point, baby. I wish Ray Fair [my macroeconomics professor] were here. He could explain some of the economics to me. He would probably have some good ideas on how to make the most out of our money and how to make money the fastest.

My parents are going to kill me. Filet me alive. But I don't care. Money is just a means, not an object.

Hurry up, David, hurry up. We have to get this show on the road. I'm just going to stay here. It's almost time for us to depart. David, hurry the fuck up. Well, at least he's finally resolved to do this. Time is of the essence. Life is too short. Here we go, baby! Here's a toast to the future, whatever may lie in it.

David and I have each other. We will support each other to the end. Once we get something going, we gotta contact Bonner.

I hope David's doing all right. I hope he gets all that money. Haha, banks can increase the money supply. I wonder if after the last transaction, if Wachovia still met the required reserve ratio. Haha, probably. They probably have millions of dollars as a buffer.

We need to disactivate our phones soon.

Waiting is the worst. As long as I keep myself occupied with this, nothing bad will happen. I must not pick up any calls from people other than David Zhang at this point.

Dude, we're doing this. We just dropped out of Yale. Holy shit! I just saved my parents $120,000. I hope they won't mind the $2,590 I borrowed from them. TI-89 tells me it's only 2.16% of the money I saved them. I'm not borrowing any more money from them. $2,590 in cash? How about $120,000 in cash? Now that's crazy, dude.

Withdrawing the money from the bank was surprisingly easy. I hope everything on this journey is just as smooth.

College drop-outs, baby. Dude, we have a 3.5 year head start compared to our peers. Let's make something happen.

We got a taste of Yale. It's pretty sweet. But now it's time to move on. Less time wasted on pointless e-mails.

My hair is so messed up probably.

Just look at the people around you. Imagine what has happened in the 50 years someone has lived. 50 YEARS. That's over twice my age. There is still so much out there to try. This is the time to try it. The younger, the better. The more time you have, the more easily you recover from injury and failure.

Don't know what David is waiting for. Hope Julian and Bryan don't end up leaving really late, like 10:20. Come on David, hurry up. I expect you soon.

I want to see Dave pulling his luggage. He must almost be ready.

We must pay our parents back in the full amount we borrowed from them.

Thus, what the hell. Our choice is just as good as any. Let's do it.

It's been over 24 hours since we left New Haven. No turning back now.

Dave and I have been talking a lot. We have decided this trip will be a win-win experience no matter what. If we succeed, we don't need to go back to school. We can continue our careers in San Francisco. But if we fail, we will have learned first-hand the difficulties of making it in the real world and hopefully we will have discovered what we really want to do with our lives. We may also discover that to do the things we really want to do, we need education and a degree.

We probably won't be allowed back at Yale, but I don't think I want to go back to an elite, Ivy, private university. I think I would just go back to a state school like Rutgers. I would know what I want to study, I would have more motivation, and I would be paying a helluva lot less. That's okay.

Life is all about how you view it and what you make of it. You have a limited time here. Why not do something great with it?

But this journey is not going to be an easy one. Sometimes, Tony and I might actually prefer Ray Fair's lecture to what we are about to go through. Housing will be difficult. We haven't had Internet since we've been gone, so no real planning has been done on where we are staying and how much it will cost. The tentative plan is to stay in a motel for one night and find a permanent apartment. Alright, it's too difficult to write, our bus is moving too much. Peace out!

I started this journey wearing three layers of jeans, two sweaters, and a jacket. Now I'm wearing just one pair of jeans and one layer on top - a long-sleeve shirt. I've sweated a lot. I feel pretty gross.

(Btw, we've changed time zones.)

One life to live. How meaningful and successful it is is all about your perspective. My perspective is "I just wanna have fun and try a lot of random things."

Counting mentally, trying to get consistent, complete focus on counting. Counting to 60 mentally, trying to get around 60:

Try 1: 72 s

Try 2: 69 s

Try 3: 51 s (lost track counting)

Try 4: 57 s

Try 5: 55 s

Try 6: 72 s

Try 7: 60 s

Try 8: 63 s

Try 9: 61 s

Try 10: 64 s

Try 11: 56 s

Try 12: 58 s

Try 13: 55 s

Average: 61 s

But I feel at peace. I am glad I did something crazy. I am glad I took the first step and tried, regardless of whether we succeed or fail. I only have one life to live. What is the purpose of life? Nobody knows. But we do know everybody's life is different, and so perhaps this was the path meant for me. I should not follow the path paved out by someone else. I should not do something just because someone expects me to.

I think this trip is crazy, but I think it is going to be very fun. I am excited to try various odd jobs and to learn the responsibilities of being an independent adult first-hand.

I think others would find me foolish, naīve, and stupid. I kind of like being that way. What do I have to be afraid of? I'm curious and I want to find out about life and the world. And the only way to properly do so is to just go out and do whatever it is you're thinking about. And that's what I'm doing right now.

I want to be happy and successful in life. Going to Yale perhaps could have fulfilled this for me, but my heart is telling me differently. I believe I can be happy AND succeed without Yale. Most likely, I am wrong, but without trying, I will never know the answer. This is why I'm glad I am on this trip with Anthony.

I am going to San Fran to succeed!

David Zhang (signature)

Ahhh, this is the life. I don't really need to be making six figures. I just want to be happy, meet people, and have fun. I really admire my uncle in Long Island. Tutoring math, making dumplings, inviting people over -- the good life. He is such a humorous and fun person. He seems to always enjoy himself no matter who he's with. I hope I can be the same. I admire his outlook on life. I hope I develop one that's similar.

We've arrived and the magnitude of our task is starting to hit. I'm so afraid of doing something really stupid or leaving a big trail. But I guess eventually we'll either be caught or we'll get back in contact with our old lives.

The reality of our endeavor is starting to hit. Getting housing is possible, but cheap apartments are pretty sucky. We need to find out how companies check someone's credit and whether we have credit.

We rushed into this decision, and now we are beginning to face the consequences. I'm not sure any more, but I still want to try. I also want to let my family and my friends know that we are okay. Have courage, have faith, have hope to struggle on and believe that things will always work out. Let's do this shit.

We have about $2,800 right now. About $2,000 will probably go to housing. So we will

Our trip was a crazy idea. It was also a stupid and selfish idea. But I'm still glad I did it. One life, one love! The one love is for life! I understand it now!

I have a LOT of work to catch up on. That, and I also have to figure out soon what I am going to do this summer. And I need to talk to my professors about perhaps getting an extension on the work I missed.

Hmm..., I wonder if there was a physics problem set due this week, in light of the midterm this Wednesday. I need to review and cram physics. Ugh... but I also have so much linear algebra to do. Missed a CS assignment, too. Macro... death. Ok, I shall try to finish my philosophy reading now.