Welcome to Erwaman's Web-Based Writer's Portfolio! Feel free to take a look around. This is the second Reflective Commentary. Enjoy!
~Erwaman~
In this piece, I tried to do something that I often see in novels. I tried to start out with a description of an event, with the main character involved in something, and after that event had resolved, I came in with the identification of the main character. The only part of this experimental introduction I myself might change is the third paragraph where I come in with the identification and description of myself. Initially, I felt as if that paragraph flowed very smoothly and was perfect to end the introduction and begin the plot of the story. But now, I kind of feel that the fourth paragraph that come right after the identification and description of myself makes me feel that the third paragraph doesn't belong. But then I think that my first three paragraphs are a kind of attention grabber that I use to get hold of the reader's interest before I begin the narration of the actual story. To me it seemed a little awkward how the introduction and body of the story connected together, but I believe this is just from lack of experience and experimenting with my writing and trying different ways of telling a story.
In the fifth paragraph in the story, where I finally catch up to the rest of my pack and the dialogue begins, I believe that the dialogue seems a little strange because I included quite a few lines of dialogue, in that space, but that was the only place in the story I had dialogue, besides the one line at the end were Alex comments, "You were born to lead." Though it was true that the revision requirement was to add six lines of dialogue, I believe that I could have spread out the dialogue, maybe throwing in some unexpected encounter with somebody else, so that I could set up and create another conversation, instead of cramming everything in that one place where I meet up with the rest of my pack.
Finally, I have some thoughts and comments about the ending of chapter one of my story. Before writing this story, I thought about the way I wanted to end chapter one, so that I would have something to continue on in chapter two of the story. After some thought, I finally decided to end my story with the wolves being taken up by humans and made into a team of sled wolves. The way I wanted to end my story was okay, but the actual development in the story that brought me to that conclusion is what I am not that happy with. In the story, the wolves end up in this place through hearing about sled teams being created in Minneapolis, and then going there, where they do become a sled team. I say that these wolves had heard about what was happening in Minneapolis, but the place and the way I put it in makes me feel that that doesn't belong. I just add that in without mentioning anything about it in the beginning or giving as much as a hint that that was going to happen. Therefore, it seems almost as if I'm just adding things to the story as I go along, so that I continue the story. Though stories are supposed to develop and new places and characters do sometimes enter the story, I feel that I could have added this in a more natural way. Also, when the wolves do arrive in Minneapolis, I say in one sentence that "we were gathered up and auctioned off to a man." In one sentence, the wolves go from wilderness to civilization. After all the buildup to this point, in one sentence, everything changes. I think that there could have been a lot more after reaching Minneapolis that should have happened before the wolves were bought or I could have thought up another way to get the wolves to Minneapolis. I could have added in that not long after the wolves arrived, people started to notice them and how awkwardly out of place they were, or I could have had the wolves encountered humans on their journey, and have been captured and shipped to Minneapolis. So these are the thoughts and comments I have about this piece of writing. Overall, I believe that most of it was good, except that I could have spent a little more time working out a smoother, more gradual conclusion.